did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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