Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your cock deserves a montage
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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