"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
