I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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