I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You've changed since you got that strap on
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