Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
