Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
