When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We are all done wearing pants today
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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