You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
