Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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