apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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