I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's official drugs can't kill me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
