Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.

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(352): View more from Florida

Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.

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(940): View more from Texas

I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.

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(404): View more from Georgia

New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.

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(562): View more from California

Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness

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(949): View more from California

I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious

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