My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
