There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
