brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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