Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize