I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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