Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
