Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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