Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
