piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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