I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
