they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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