i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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