Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
