I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
