so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize