Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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