your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need to calm my uterus...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
