So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
