I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
