Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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