they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The best revenge is premature balding
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
