It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
