he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
