Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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