i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
