I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She even gives head with a lisp.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize