I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
