omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
