found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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