She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
