girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
