You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dear god my vagina.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
