I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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