I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
