The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
