In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
