Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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