I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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