Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
They took my balls.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
