I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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