'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize