Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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