It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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