Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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