After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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