Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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