I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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