I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want nice things and good sex
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
