I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
