Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
