Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
