Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
