I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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