I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
