The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drunk is not a location!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
